Skyscraper window cleaner. Just the image alone makes me want to curl up in a fetal position and vomit. Me and heights don't do super well. Case-in-point: I had a panic attack at the top of the Empire State Building and had to be escorted down in a service elevator with 2 security guards and just Dan and I. Yeah, that's not embarrassing at all.
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Oil Well Driller. Can't you just see me on a rig slinging slinging these things around? Yeah, didn't think so either.
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A Deminer. Have you ever changed a teething baby's diaper blowout when they have the stomach flu? Um yeah. Okay so it's not blowing my arm off but still...dangerous.
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But somehow being a Mom wasn't even mentioned. And while the actual job of being a mom to your children can be so daunting at times, it's the mom vs. mom war I'm referring to. Yes, the Mommy Wars. Why hasn't Steven Spielberg made a movie outta that?? Guaranteed blockbuster. As if trying to keep a tiny, helpless baby alive while saving for their future therapist's fund wasn't hard enough, dealing with the "super informative" (major finger air quotes there) input from other moms is enough to drive you batty with self doubt and a touch of rage.
I got my first dose of it before I was even pregnant. It came in the form of basically being told that keeping our dogs once we had a kid was tantamount to tossing them in a shark tank doused in chum. Who knew. Aaaand then once Selah was actually born, holy cow did the judgement and comments start flowin': 'you put your baby in her crib, alone, by herself at 3 weeks???', 'why would anyone want a painful, natural delivery...just schedule a c-section', 'she's cute now...just wait til she gets older...then your life is over', and my personal favorite...'if you'd tried a little harder, you would've been able to breastfeed longer'. That last one was heard way too many times to even be mildly appropriate and every single time it was like a dagger to the heart. But I was a new mom who was struggling with being exhausted, trying to figure out what the heck I was doing and what the heck she wanted with each cry, and I didn't have the wherewithal to tell those people to shove it and keep their uninformed opinions to themselves. Or, if I'm being completely honest, seriously consider a hefty backhand.
And I'm not talking about well intentioned and informed advice. When I was pregnant with Selah, I decided I wanted a natural delivery with a midwife at a nearby hospital. I'd talked with other moms who'd had natural deliveries and they'd all raved about them. Yeah, they hurt and was hard but you're delivering a baby people...not getting a mani pedi. So I immersed myself in all the statistics and research I could regarding natural deliveries and some of the risks of epidurals and c-sections. So if someone asked my opinion on the matter, I could give them an informed, non-judgemental opinion based on research and data. Not one that's based solely off emotion that could make them feel bad because that's the quickest way to turn someone off a certain topic.
And it doesn't stop with delivery choices. I've heard the gammut of opinions - to me and to friends, some well intentioned...most not. From formula feeding ('you clearly don't care about your baby') and breast feeding ('okay lady...not everyone wants to see your boob') to co-sleeping ('you care more about your baby than your husband') and crying it out ('your kid is going to grow up to be emotionally scarred and traumatized'); moms who go out in public wearing sweatpants and slippers ('what a lazy slob'), moms who dress nicely with their hair and makeup done ('talk about high maintenance...who does she think she is?'); vaccinating ('you're poisoning your child') and not vaccinating ('you're contributing to the comeback and surge of diseases'). I could go on. And on. And on. And on. Get the picture?
What the heck ladies?! When did it become okay to make other moms feel like a complete craptastic failure? Do you feel so badly about yourself that making another mom feel inferior makes sense? Last I checked, I don't remember stepping into a time machine and going back to the catty high school days. Unless you see a mom letting her kid play with steak knives while roller blading on a balance beam....let it go. Remember those first weeks where you were so tired there's not even a word for it? The first time your baby was sick and you were Googling symptoms and remedies in the middle of the night? Think of how vulnerable you felt then and how you'd feel if someone were belittling your fight to keep your baby healthy and loved with all of your might. Think of those moments and maybe, just maybe, you'll keep that next comment to yourself. Build fellow moms up, don't tear them down because remember, it really is the toughest job out there.
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